you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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