lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I believe in your delicious
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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