i barfeds in our rink
zippers are such a cool invention
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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