you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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