How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
