So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
