Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
