Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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