I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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