yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize