Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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