Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
