you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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