woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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