my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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