Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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