Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
