dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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