The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize