I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
