You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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