Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We have started to decorate penises.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
