there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
