tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
