Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
