The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I will be naked everywhere
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize