someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
