Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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