The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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