we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
