Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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