I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize