i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
