it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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