Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
