he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
