It's Friday. Sex?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
