There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
