All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
