Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
