TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
