Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
