Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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