U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
