If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
