I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
be right there i have to get my cape
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize