i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
