I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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