I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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