in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
