He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
