it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
