Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
