Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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