Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
