My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
