my phone needs a breathalizer
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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