i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
