Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
