if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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