i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
