Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my sisters under your porch take her home
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
