Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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