I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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