You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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