I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
