I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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