it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
