I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
