he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
