dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
