this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
