Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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