may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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