The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
