Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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