So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
