He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize