I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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